Losing Hope

It is interesting how quickly my attitude changes when I arrive at home...

Yesterday I had camp interviews in Kitchener, so I traveled there Friday night, stayed over at a friends place, and then had the interviews Saturday. I got a drive home from my directors wife (who lives around the corner from me) and ended up at their place for dinner. I consider the director and his wife to be like a 2nd set of parents to me. I have worked closely with them for 3 summers now and we have a wonderful relationship together. So, dinner, dessert, and chatting afterward was like hanging out at home with family. I am comfortable with them, and enjoy their company, and there is just so much love and care in the room when we are talking about whatever we are talking about.

Then, I had to go home. Now, I love my mother, don't get me wrong. We have just not been getting along all that well over the past year or so. It's a lot more complicated then I will get into, but I have started to notice how it affects my attitude while I am at home. I didn't want to leave my directors place last night. But you can't necessarily blame me for feeling this way. I got home, and my mother was on the phone with my grandma (understandable). Then she got off, and in the middle of her first sentence to me, the phone rang and it was him. So, off she ran to get the phone and she was on the phone for over an hour. In that time, I went to bed because I was tired and not willing to wait up as I didn't know how long she would be. She did apologize, but still, I felt very neglected as a person and a daughter.

Today, I have been in a very negative mood. I don't like the person I am when I am negative (because it rarely happens and my positivity and enthusiasm is such a big part of my identity) but I am running out of patience with this all. So many things rubbed me the wrong way today and my reaction and attitude to it was not the best...and my mother and sister definitely noticed it (and reacted to it as well).

Lord, give me strength and patience as I interact with my mother. Help me to approach my relationship with my mother with Christ-like attitude and love. Help me to be a shining light for you in all of my actions, thoughts, and words, not only with my family, but with all of my interactions. Fill me with your Holy Spirit so that I can overcome the struggles that I am experiencing. In your name I pray, Amen.