Moving Forward...

"In you, Lord my God,

I put my trust,

I trust in you;

do not let me be put to shame,

nor let my enemies triumph over me.

No one who hopes in you

will ever be put to shame,

but shame will come on those

who are treacherous without cause,

Show me your ways, Lord,

teach me your paths.

Guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.

Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,

for they are from of old.

Do not remember the sins of my youth

and my rebellious ways;

according to your love remember me,

for you, Lord, are good.

Good and upright is the Lord;

therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.

All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful

toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.

For the sake of your name, Lord,

forgive my iniquity, though it is great."

Psalm 25: 1-11

I didn't realize how lengthy that verse was going to turn out, but it's perfect to explain what is on my heart today. Last year at this time, I was at a friends birthday party which didn't turn out to be the best night of my life...but at the same time it has been what I look back to, to thank for how my life has changed dramatically in the past 365 days. To explain it a bit better, I have to make a distinction between 366 days ago (and before) and the past 365 days. I have grown up going to church and hearing about Christ in my life. I made a decision in grade 7 to fully commit my life to him. I was baptized at the end of grade 8. Most things I have done in my life has been based around faith. I believe that I have always had Christ in my life, even though there were times where I was not the most faithful Christian. However, I now realize that there is a difference between 'knowing' about faith and Christ and about 'knowing it in your heart'(as well as acting on that - although I think it's impossible to know it in your heart and not act on it - or at least that's how I feel now that I know it in my heart).

I sometimes wonder if people will think me a hypocrite for doing things associated with faith before this "epiphany" (as my friend calls it), but I hope they won't. I knew what was right, and I believe I was doing it for the right reasons, I just didn't fully understand what I was doing and the meaning behind it. Plus, I was living what I deem a "double-life" with my 'church' life and my 'social' life. My friends knew I had Christ in my life and faith, but my actions didn't always follow through with that (and I'm not trying to say I did 'horrible' things, but sin is a sin - there is no 'spectrum' when it comes to sin).  However, what really matters is that I have had this moment in my life (as unproud I am of some of my actions...), but that I am moving forward with my life and focusing on Christ and what He wants for my life, and not necessarily what I want (although I sometimes find it hard deciphering between what Christ wants for me and what I want for me - but I'll post on that another day as it has been consuming my thoughts lately). I have made wonderful new friends who are continuing to help me upon this path. What a whirlwind the past 365 days has been, as I've changed drastically into a person that is very happy to be where she is. I am currently babysitting 4 beautiful children, and would not rather be anywhere else on a Saturday night! No party could top hearing H's guilty laughter, or C saying his favourite line from the book I gave him for Christmas (I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, My baby you'll be), or the roar of Dora the Explorer on the television as A watches intently, and lastly, as T teaches his brothers and sisters how to play "war".

As I have been on my quest to read the Bible in 90 days, I have stumbled upon many verses that have encouraged me in my new life, and have really hit home with the transition that I have made. I am currently reading through the Psalms, and have found 2 perfect for this post. The first one was the one I started with, and the second one, which is only 5 chapters later in Psalms, encourages me for the future.

"I will exalt you, Lord,

for you lifted me out of the depths

and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.

You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;

you spared me from going down to the pit.

Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;

praise his holy name.

For his anger lasts only a moment, 

but his favor lasts a lifetime;

weeping may remain for a night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning."

Psalm 30: 1-5

In the summer, I had a friend explain it to me this way. She told me, "at least you have had this moment, there are some people that live a long live living the 'double' life of going to church but having a social side as well". So, I will rejoice in the Lord, that He has answered my call to bring me out of what is unholy and un-Christ-like.

Some people celebrate anniversaries of starting dating, of wedding dates, etc...but tonight, I am celebrating with the Lord our 1 year anniversary of me knowing in my heart (and acting upon it) what Christ really wants for my life! YAY!