Everlasting

"From the Inside Out"

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

I posted this the other day, and then took it down. Not sure why. But still a few days later, this song comes on and it hits me hard. Maybe because I feel like I've failed lately. I'm trying not to, but still feel like I'm just not making the cut. Even though I know God will love me no matter what, I just feel like I should be doing better. I dunno. I can't explain it properly.

God has such great mercy on me. In looking up exactly what 'mercy' means (just to get the real definition versus going on what I figured it was), I realize that it's simply another way to express the amazing compassion that God has for all of us. Wow. God is so loving.  I am just overwhelmed with that sense right now, it's indescribable. (haha...as I wrote out that word, I decided to listen to the song by Chris Tomlin)

Update: I'm almost at my goal for fund raising - just a couple hundred left to get in. I also got a bursary from school the other day, which relieves the stress I had over having enough money to pay for rent this summer. It's crazy how God provides. It reminds me of Blizzard and one of the speakers was telling us his life story. He was 25, and for the past 10 months (if my memory is correct) he had been living with no income, and just trusting for God to provide. As of February, every month he had gotten his rent money, car and insurance payments, and other living expenses each month...sometimes absolutely amazed at the means of getting them. It was such an inspiring story. Not that I'm going to go without a job at the moment (well, I kinda am right now) but I can have faith that he will provide for me as long as I trust in Him and his purpose for my life in following him with my whole mind, body, spirit, and mostly, heart.

As we approach the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and as I struggle daily to live as righteously as possible, I am encouraged by the words Paul writes in 2 Timothy 1.
"For this reason I remind you to fan into the flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life -- not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Saviour, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day. "