THE List

I was with my pastor's wife today, and we got talking about boys (a common conversation for females of all ages, of course). My pastor's wife and I have become friends. Even though she's 40, and I'm 22, we have a bond. Sometimes we talk as if we're friends, sometimes we talk as if she's giving me advice (I'd like to consider her like a mentor), and other times she talks to me as a mom. We have an understanding, and I love her to bits and pieces!

Anyways, we started the conversation on the topic of my friend, who I was supposed to go see tomorrow for half the week, and now my trip is cancelled because her boyfriend was being a baby (well, that's how I have decided to term it) and sometimes, even though I haven't met this man, I feel that she has settled for him. Although, I'm sure he's a fine guy, but she's not the same friend that I knew 2 1/2 years ago before they started dating. I guess I can be kind of biased, as I'm the one she usually calls at midnight, and I'll stay on the phone with her until 4 a.m. because he's being a douche.

So, our conversation rolled on to dating, and "finding the one" (obviously, as almost all girly conversations do) and she talked about how she compromised what she really felt she wanted when she was younger and dated guys that weren't really worth her time. Then she got advice from a friend, when she was in a "why don't guys want to date me" mindset, who said that God is just saving her from all the heartbreak that is possible, so that when she meets the one God has for her in mind, she will not be tarnished by those relationships. And at that moment, she made a list. A list of all the characteristics that she wanted, and she decided that she wasn't going to budge on any of those characteristics, or "settle" for anything less than what she knew she would work with.

Out of our conversation, I have decided to write a step-by-step procedure of how to write out your list, and what to do with it, in order to trust God that He will show you the man that is for you - and boys, feel free to take what I say, and change the words "him" to "her" and "man" to "woman", etc (this is all based on the conversation with my pastor's wife and what we talked about...basically I'm just conveying it in my own words).

Step One: Pray to God that He will prepare the man that He has for you and that the man will be ready for you, and that you will be ready for him as well.

Step Two: Write out your list. Your first, and top priority, (one would hope) should be that the man be Christian, love God, and be wanting to serve Christ with his whole heart. The rest of the list should be comprised of characteristics (ie. hard-working, dedicated), and NOT specific attributes (ie. blonde hair, blue eyes).

Step Three: Take each item and pray over it, asking God to prepare the man you feel (and He feels) is suitable for your life. Specifically ask God to reveal how that characteristic will affect the relationship, and what you actually want from it (for example, if you want someone who can make decisions, do you want them to be submissive, or where they make them all themselves without consulting you, or do you want someone who can make decisions and runs them by you and discusses them together - that might not be the greatest example, but it's the only one I can think of)

Step Four: You wait (it's called patience - I understand it's hard to come by...but God will help you through). Don't change what you want just because you like the fact that someone is interested in you or you feel more secure in a relationship. Don't "settle" for anything less than a) you deserve, b) you want, and c) what God wants for you.

It's easy as that. And I know, it' not that easy. I have made many mistakes in dating guys that I now realize weren't worth my time, and were NOTHING that I was looking for...but I always had the hope that they would amount to better things. Up until I was 20, I made those mistakes, and after my last mistake (when I was 20) I realized that I needed a reality check on dating (on a side note, I feel awkward calling these guys "mistakes", but they were all apart of my learning process, therefore I feel it is appropriate to use that word...most are good guys, just not people I see myself with - also note that these were "mistakes" during my University years...I dated some people in high school who are wonderful guys, and whom I am still very good friends with to this day). When I turned 21, that was when I had my reality check, and I came up with an acronym of what I wanted out of a guy. But, looking back now, I think that 4 letters is too short. My last boyfriend (and only boyfriend since I made the acronym) fit the criteria for my letters, but not necessarily in the way I wanted him to (since the criteria wasn't very specific)...only problem is that I didn't realize that until after he had broken up with me and I was grieving the loss of someone who I had hoped might be my future spouse. I played the game (again) where I made it seem like he fit the criteria, so I was extremely happy, and we were amazing together, and then all of a sudden we weren't....

Tragic ending, I know...but in the end...I have learned from it, and have really focused on what God wants in my life, and I encourage every one to do the same thing now. I now believe that I want to be good friends with someone before I start dating them, I want to have mentors and adults that know both of us to share their opinion on our relationship before we start dating, and most importantly, I want to feel that God is telling me it's the right relationship to explore before anything romantic or deeply emotional happens.

Well, I hope that I have conjured up some thoughts in all of you, as I have not been able to stop thinking about this all day. It's late and it's time for bed...or maybe I'll start writing my list...