Over the past 9 months I have been to 3 funerals...
After the most recent one, in August, it left me thinking about the legacy we leave behind.
Both the first one (December 2012) and the most recent one were for people that passed too young.
B was 46 when she passed last year from cancer. The funeral was easily 300 people attending (if not larger). She leaves behind 3 beautiful daughters and a husband. She lived her life for her family, and fought hard to the end, hoping to make a recovery.
S was an almost 70-year old retiree who moved to Port Hope about a decade ago. He found out he had cancer about 2 months before he passed - he too had a difficult battle. He was my father's closest friend while I was growing up, and was still close with him (conveniently my father moved out that way 9 years ago) until his passing.
At the funeral for S, his sister and brother-in-law led the service. It was beautifully prepared and it was a great testament to his fun-loving personality. It also was a true testament to the person who he was and the legacy he was leaving behind for both his Markham and Port Hope friends.
It got me thinking about myself and my actions and how they might one day be perceived as a legacy - what would my legacy look like? As morbid as this sounds, it's more intentional on the actions part than the end result (death) part. Ultimately, I was asking myself about whether or not my actions are worth a legacy? No matter the answer, I decided that I need to be more intentional about my relationships, my career aspirations, my passions, and everything else in life (how daunting!?!) because that is who I am. I cannot be flimsy or wish-washy about anything, as that is not a stable person. I need to be confident in who I am, what I want, and where I am going (even if there are doubts sometime - which I am human, and that is inevitable).
Life isn't about just living, it's about living it intentionally and fully!
So - here goes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, September 14, 2013
I Honked...
It's official...I do not like driving in TO. There are too many cars, which ultimately equals...too many stupid people who don't know how to drive.
I'm not normally an overly crazy driver. I am fairly confident but lean towards going just a bit faster than the speed limit but not pushing anyone's buttons. I have been in accidents before, so try to be super aware of everyone around me and cautious about what others might do. While I do get upset at silly people on the road, I usually don't let it get to me because as long as I'm safe, I'm happy!
Today, however, I honked at someone. And how did it make me feel?...well, it definitely didn't make me feel better!
I'm not sure why, but after a Bell truck decided to turn left while going south on Yonge St...where there was a turning lane in the middle but his butt was sticking out into the left lane heading south ...and he held up at least 3 cars for a minute (or just a really slow 30 seconds, maybe)...when I passed I honked. I don't honk very often, but for some reason I did. I usually leave honking up to the really necessary times when I'm getting someone's attention so they don't hit me or something. But this time, I did it because I was mad at someone for being stupid. And it made me feel ...well ...worse.
I haven't blogged in a really long time. Mostly because I've been busy and lazy (all at the same time!)...but mostly because when I'm thinking about something, I'm not at a convenient place to blog, and so put it off - only never get to it. When I honked today, I decided that life just isn't worth letting things get to you. So what, he put me behind a few seconds. I got to my destination and had to wait 5 minutes for laminating anyway - I could've waiting 4.5 minutes if I hadn't of rushed and felt the need to honk.
What's the big rush everyone? Why do we HAVE to get through a yellow light, only to catch up to people at the next one? We're just asking for it when we do that. I was up in Muskoka a bunch this summer and my husband went through a yellow light when NO one else around did - and his comment was, "Oh, I'm from Toronto" - he was joking of course - and he was technically fine to go through - it's just that everyone up there is not in a rush at all! They know they will get there when they do! We came back from Muskoka, and now whenever we stop appropriately or don't rush to go through a yellow light we'll say, "Oh, we're from Muskoka" (or something to that effect) and laugh about our polite, courteous ways on the road.
I'm not really sure my point here - other than to say that I felt awful today honking because I was upset. Maybe I'm just too nice of a person, because the guy shouldn't have blocked the lane, but what's the big deal in the long run? Does it really matter? No. If I hadn't of honked, I probably wouldn't have cared or remembered it anyway - but now it's worthy of a post! Haha.
More to come - have had lots on my mind lately!
I'm not normally an overly crazy driver. I am fairly confident but lean towards going just a bit faster than the speed limit but not pushing anyone's buttons. I have been in accidents before, so try to be super aware of everyone around me and cautious about what others might do. While I do get upset at silly people on the road, I usually don't let it get to me because as long as I'm safe, I'm happy!
Today, however, I honked at someone. And how did it make me feel?...well, it definitely didn't make me feel better!
I'm not sure why, but after a Bell truck decided to turn left while going south on Yonge St...where there was a turning lane in the middle but his butt was sticking out into the left lane heading south ...and he held up at least 3 cars for a minute (or just a really slow 30 seconds, maybe)...when I passed I honked. I don't honk very often, but for some reason I did. I usually leave honking up to the really necessary times when I'm getting someone's attention so they don't hit me or something. But this time, I did it because I was mad at someone for being stupid. And it made me feel ...well ...worse.
I haven't blogged in a really long time. Mostly because I've been busy and lazy (all at the same time!)...but mostly because when I'm thinking about something, I'm not at a convenient place to blog, and so put it off - only never get to it. When I honked today, I decided that life just isn't worth letting things get to you. So what, he put me behind a few seconds. I got to my destination and had to wait 5 minutes for laminating anyway - I could've waiting 4.5 minutes if I hadn't of rushed and felt the need to honk.
What's the big rush everyone? Why do we HAVE to get through a yellow light, only to catch up to people at the next one? We're just asking for it when we do that. I was up in Muskoka a bunch this summer and my husband went through a yellow light when NO one else around did - and his comment was, "Oh, I'm from Toronto" - he was joking of course - and he was technically fine to go through - it's just that everyone up there is not in a rush at all! They know they will get there when they do! We came back from Muskoka, and now whenever we stop appropriately or don't rush to go through a yellow light we'll say, "Oh, we're from Muskoka" (or something to that effect) and laugh about our polite, courteous ways on the road.
I'm not really sure my point here - other than to say that I felt awful today honking because I was upset. Maybe I'm just too nice of a person, because the guy shouldn't have blocked the lane, but what's the big deal in the long run? Does it really matter? No. If I hadn't of honked, I probably wouldn't have cared or remembered it anyway - but now it's worthy of a post! Haha.
More to come - have had lots on my mind lately!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Is it really?
Christmas is well known for it's holiday cheer and warmth. Christmas is commonly referred to as "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" (as the song goes). Everyone's spirits are lifted as the music plays, lights go up, trees are decorated, gifts are bought, and the baking begins.
While it is an uplifting season in general, my heart goes out for those that have lost a loved one recently. In particular, I think of my family. Just over a week ago, my mother's cousin passed away, at the age of 46. She had been battling cancer for just over a year, and passed away unexpectedly. Despite the fact that she was officially my "second cousin", she was like an aunt to me. She leaves behind a loving husband, who is one of the nicest men I have ever met, and three beautiful daughters who are all in their teens. I am very close with these three girls, as I have spent many weeks babysitting them. Our family is very close in general, as the husband is an only child, and so his cousins (my mom being one of them) were like his immediate family. My heart breaks as they enter into a season that is supposed to be jolly and happy, and they are grieving the huge loss they have experienced.
Not only has this occurred specifically to my family, but to many down in the states with the shooting at the elementary school. My heart aches for all the families affected by this.
At the funeral on Monday, my cousins eldest daughter had written a wonderful tribute about her mother. Amidst the tribute, was the underlying tone of, "she didn't deserve this?", and, "why did this happen?", and, "it isn't fair!" It's the toughest question to answer, especially to a family that haven't grown up in the church. I'm hoping to be a support, especially for the girls, as they transition into this difficult situation. I hope that I can be a shining light of Jesus' compassion and love through my actions and support. It's not going to be easy, but I know God will guide me and my words.
While it is an uplifting season in general, my heart goes out for those that have lost a loved one recently. In particular, I think of my family. Just over a week ago, my mother's cousin passed away, at the age of 46. She had been battling cancer for just over a year, and passed away unexpectedly. Despite the fact that she was officially my "second cousin", she was like an aunt to me. She leaves behind a loving husband, who is one of the nicest men I have ever met, and three beautiful daughters who are all in their teens. I am very close with these three girls, as I have spent many weeks babysitting them. Our family is very close in general, as the husband is an only child, and so his cousins (my mom being one of them) were like his immediate family. My heart breaks as they enter into a season that is supposed to be jolly and happy, and they are grieving the huge loss they have experienced.
Not only has this occurred specifically to my family, but to many down in the states with the shooting at the elementary school. My heart aches for all the families affected by this.
At the funeral on Monday, my cousins eldest daughter had written a wonderful tribute about her mother. Amidst the tribute, was the underlying tone of, "she didn't deserve this?", and, "why did this happen?", and, "it isn't fair!" It's the toughest question to answer, especially to a family that haven't grown up in the church. I'm hoping to be a support, especially for the girls, as they transition into this difficult situation. I hope that I can be a shining light of Jesus' compassion and love through my actions and support. It's not going to be easy, but I know God will guide me and my words.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Here I am...
There have been a few times over the past couple months that I have opened up a new post, written a few lines, and then gave up. Or, I have thought about a great topic that I want to write/vent about, but then a week later when I go to write it, I forget what that was (like right now...).
For the first two months of work, I had a 40 minute (lengthy) walk to and from work. While it was a long walk, I took advantage of it, and started listening to Andy Stanley again (side note: my path that I take is under construction now, so I am having to take transit until it is completed). Man, he is a strong preacher (and funny too). I found myself enjoying my walks and that they didn't feel quite like 40 minutes any more It was definitely a nice way to pass the time, learn more about God, and to start my day off right.
I just wanted to write a quick note, there's nothing important to this, other than the fact that I'm still here and still writing. I have had a challenging first two months of teaching, but I am learning lots, growing, and developing my skills as a teacher. It is not an easy gig, that's for sure, but God has brought me to this place and I am constantly reminded of his presence in my life and in my workplace. I hope that I can be a shining light for him to my students, colleagues, and parents.
He sure is my strength and energy each day!
Blessings all!
For the first two months of work, I had a 40 minute (lengthy) walk to and from work. While it was a long walk, I took advantage of it, and started listening to Andy Stanley again (side note: my path that I take is under construction now, so I am having to take transit until it is completed). Man, he is a strong preacher (and funny too). I found myself enjoying my walks and that they didn't feel quite like 40 minutes any more It was definitely a nice way to pass the time, learn more about God, and to start my day off right.
I just wanted to write a quick note, there's nothing important to this, other than the fact that I'm still here and still writing. I have had a challenging first two months of teaching, but I am learning lots, growing, and developing my skills as a teacher. It is not an easy gig, that's for sure, but God has brought me to this place and I am constantly reminded of his presence in my life and in my workplace. I hope that I can be a shining light for him to my students, colleagues, and parents.
He sure is my strength and energy each day!
Blessings all!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
What do you stand for?
I was at a friends for dinner the other night, and a song came on. It's been one that has caught my attention later, and I enjoy singing along with it. The song is by the band "FUN" and is called "Some Nights". The comment came up that it's a good song, except for the lyrics:
"Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for.
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore..."
It got me thinking. What do I stand for? And how does that compare to others? Do we all stand for the same thing? Or are there small differences between others?
I'm still not sure what the answer is...but currently, my understanding of life and faith is that everyone's faith is their own. We live in a community of believers, but everyone's faith is their own and no one really knows the full extent of anyone's faith (except Christ).
I'm not sure this is coming out right...
I think I'm struggling with something. Not my firm foundation of knowing the Christ died for my sins, and similar big things. But maybe it's the smaller things, where everyone has their own interpretation which they think is right. What if you're not right? What if one person is right but another person isn't? I'm just so confused.
Life is not simple...that's for sure. I just have to continue to seek God's will for my life and hope and believe that it's the right one, despite what others may think or say to me....
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Love is...
There's a few verses in the bible which are quoted quite often...I don't need to write it all out because I know you know it. A few summers ago, I took 12 weeks and broke down the verses/different sayings of what 'love is' and studied the bible to figure out what love meant to me and how I was going to utilize it in my life.
Something I have heard repeatedly lately is the phrase 'love is blind' and I absolutely despise/hate/disagree with that saying. (I know, strong feelings here). I don't believe that God created love to be blind at all. God is not (and has never been) blind to our misguidance, to our betrayals, to our sins (etc.). God is gracious and merciful and loves us in our lowest of moments (when we sin and doubt) and our highest of moments (when connected to and serving God with our hearts, as an example).
I do not believe that love is blind. I believe that love empowers others (specifically me for this posting) in ways that people may not understand, especially if they do not know or have not experienced the love of God.
You may disagree with me, and I realize that many will...but I have been up thinking about this a few nights and wanted to get it off my chest.
Something I have heard repeatedly lately is the phrase 'love is blind' and I absolutely despise/hate/disagree with that saying. (I know, strong feelings here). I don't believe that God created love to be blind at all. God is not (and has never been) blind to our misguidance, to our betrayals, to our sins (etc.). God is gracious and merciful and loves us in our lowest of moments (when we sin and doubt) and our highest of moments (when connected to and serving God with our hearts, as an example).
I do not believe that love is blind. I believe that love empowers others (specifically me for this posting) in ways that people may not understand, especially if they do not know or have not experienced the love of God.
You may disagree with me, and I realize that many will...but I have been up thinking about this a few nights and wanted to get it off my chest.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Strength
I offer up some quotes about strength today as I am struggling to find strength to get through the days without feeling weary, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. (Unfortunately due to typing this on my phone- I cannot do anything special with the fonts)
Isaiah 40:28-32
"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increase strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint."
Phillipians 4:13
"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."
Isaiah 41:19
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Been a busy and rough few weeks. Pray for strength as I endure many emotional hardships and some busy times.
Isaiah 40:28-32
"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increase strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint."
Phillipians 4:13
"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."
Isaiah 41:19
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Been a busy and rough few weeks. Pray for strength as I endure many emotional hardships and some busy times.
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